ANOTHER week rolls on. Shops take down Valentines Day cards and start getting out Easter eggs. I was gutted last Friday when I didn't get any cards. I was expecting my usual airdrop of cards, but this year a freak lightning bolt destroyed all my cards as they were being loaded onto the Hercules! Ah well… there's always next year.
  WHILST standing quietly doing the washing up after tea on Sunday I suddenly heard some voices talking. There were only a couple of people in the room, and it wasn't them. At first I thought it was the voices that people tell me are in my head, but I soon traced the source to a ventilation grill near the ceiling above the sink. I listened for a bit and then had a really amusing idea.
  I stood on a chair, put my mouth up to the vent and shouted, "Help!! I'm stuck in the wall!!". No response - they didn't even stop talking. "ARRRGGH THE ANTS ARE EATING MY EAR!!!". Still no response. Just in case you thought that this story was going anywhere, it isn't. So I'll just stop now.
  BATTERSEA Court Committee plug again. Anyone reading this in Battersea Court who wants something to write on their CV? "I have good organisation skills: I helped organise a party". I swear it will put you head and shoulders above everyone else in an interview situation. Check my ad somewhere in this Barefacts.
  OK, plug over… next subject: hrumph. Is it just me or does the word "hrumph" come from "The Famous 5" books? Books… those were great. Not having kids of my own yet, I wonder if these days a mother tucks her kids into bed and switches on the Plasma screen to show her kid a nice Disney DVD to help them get to sleep? Sleep is so annoying. The first person that invents sleep-in-pills, I'll buy them a cola. Just imagine that! "I feel like 6 hours sleep during my coffee break, I'll take a green pill" or "I fancy an afternoon nap with my evening meal, I'll take 2 blue pills". Oh how I dream!

  A couple of weeks ago I had the most bizarre journey back from the Union since my first year (oh, those were the days - climbing up the golf ball at 4am, trolley trips round campus, rollerblading outside the union…). Battersea Rawson is no more than about 4 minutes away from the Union, but this particular return journey saw the journey time lasting more like half an hour, due to a few unexpected for distractions. I was walking back with a group of about ten other final years when we reached Blackwater house in Surrey Court - the one with the famous Rag Week 88 footprints up the side. I turned to my friend Badger and asked him jokingly if he thought he could climb up those footprints. However, I didn't count on him having consumed quite as much alcohol as he had, and he replied "of course I can" and took a running leap at the wall, utterly convinced he could climb to the top if he ran fast enough!
  AFTER several efforts, and a maximum height gained of three footprints (followed by a painful looking fall), we carried on walking, only to find two people staring up at the kitchen on the top floor of Wey where a guy was hanging precariously out of the window. Suddenly there was a splat, and he dropped an egg out of the window for them to 'catch' then proceeded to yell, "What are you playing at? That was my last egg!" Oh, the joys of post-union surrealism.
   WALKING on towards home, we found none other than Rawson 1's responsible senior resident Gavin loitering outside our house. Although appearing to be relatively sober, we were less than convinced when he called to me, "Sarah, come sit with me in this bush, it's really comfortable!" And so the other senior resident of Rawson proceeded to climb into the thick bushes outside Seasons to test out his theory. Whatever happened to the good old days where senior residents set a good example?!
  BUT Gavin was right - the bushes were comfortable!